What a fucking waste of an outfit
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
