some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
