Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
