is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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