Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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