If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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