oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's blow job season.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize