Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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