The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
