I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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