matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
