Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
