i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
