i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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