its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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