dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
