We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
