i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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