Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
