i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
