Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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