I love how my cats smell like pot.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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