I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
