yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
And the cops told us we were all naked.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
