and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He? As in you personified your dick?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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