I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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