I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
