i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
operation harelip BJ is a go
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
