all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
