I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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