Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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