they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
