I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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