No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
In other news, I just burned my penis
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
