dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
