One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
