I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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