remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You work out of a Hotel?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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