Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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