theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He did a backflip because drugs
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