you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
