thus making me awesome and them whores
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
that is very illegal...i love you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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