Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
