last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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