mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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