Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
