Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
