Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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