it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
