brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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