just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
