i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
