just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
