Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
