yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
