I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
