I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
