i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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