im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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