I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
