Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
